


No One Ever Taught Jayne not to Blink

by rheabeth21



Series: The Greatest Crossover the World has Never Seen [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: BRIEF USE OF WEEPING ANGELS AS A PLOT DEVICE BECAUSE I AM APPARENTLY EVIL, Gen, also BRIEF USE OF "TO BE CONTINUED" BECAUSE I AM APPARENTLY A DICK AS WELL AS EVIL, and no one is EVER in danger, because i am WAY to protective of my babies to let them get into serious danger, but don't worry they don't even really show up, maybe someday, not at this point though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rheabeth21/pseuds/rheabeth21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew of the Serenity get into a spot of trouble, but all's well that ends with everybody on board the TARDIS!</p>
            </blockquote>





	No One Ever Taught Jayne not to Blink

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally an answer to an ask almost identical to the previous Doctor Who/Firefly ask. Because of this, it turned itself into a sort of sequel that ran away from me in a big way. Forgive the awkward chapter changes...I thought about smoothing out the transitions from what i had originally, then got lazy and didn't. Maybe when I come back and expand the 'verse I'll do all those nitpickey things.]
> 
> What would happen if the Serenity crew ended up on the TARDIS…during…ummmm…oh screw it, let’s say Rose and Ten because there is a very special place in my heart for Rose and Ten. Also, Jack is there. OOOH. And Mickey, because he got left out of the other story and I don’t want him to feel like the tin dog.

So, the Serenity crew take a job on an outer-rim planet. It’s all ruins and old cathedrals and for some reason it gives Mal the heebie-jeebies, even though he can’t quite pinpoint why. But it’s supposed to be completely deserted - has been for years, so they don’t see any harm in leaving the Serenity hidden away and taking the whole crew with them. The payload is of the “buried and then forgotten” treasure variety, and it’s supposed to be quite a bit so the more hands available to help load the mule, the better. They find the coordinates easily, dig through rubble for a few hours longer than they’d anticipated, and come upon the payload just as the sun is sinking over the horizon. This is the moment, obviously, when they discover that SOMEONE *cough*jayne*cough* completely forgot to bring along any flashlights. But it can’t be helped, so they turn the mule’s headlights on and try to load as fast as possible. Unfortunately, they aren’t quite fast enough. Then again, there’s not much in the universe that’s as fast as a weeping angel in the dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~

When Mal comes to, the first thing he hears is the hustle and bustle of a crowded city (a stark contrast to the silence of the ruins that he was just in). He glances around and sees that he’s in an alleyway and that his entire crew seems to be within sight and none of them seem seriously injured in any way. (Jayne landed awkwardly and conked his head on a wall…so it takes him a bit longer to come ‘round than the rest of them.) While he’s waiting for everyone to get their heads together, he and Zoe head in opposite directions down the alley to see if they can figure out where they are and how much danger they’re in. Neither venture far, keeping the alley within sight, but they can both tell that they are in some sort of colony that can only be based off of a greco-roman theme. It’s all togas and pillars and is that a statue of a satyr over there? No matter. What is definitely obvious is that they are in a large city and none of the occupants seem to be paying any attention to them. The danger, it would seem, has passed for the moment. They return to the main group (everyone is conscious, except Jayne) and begin to try to figure out what their next move is. They were bickering between the two obvious choices (“stay here” and “go try to figure out where HERE actually is”) when Kaylee hushes them. “Did y’all hear that?” They listen - a strange whooshing noise seems to be coming from the empty air just a few feet away from where they’re sitting. As they stare, they begin to see a familiar shape materialize. It’s the TARDIS, and the man who opens the door with the big goofy grin on his face and the hair that defies gravity, is their old friend: The Doctor.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The Doctor invites them onto the TARDIS. As a group, they look at dubiously at him, look even more dubiously at the TARDIS, make eye contact with each other…then laugh their asses off. “Doctor, have you been takin’ crazy meds since we last saw ya? There’s no way all nine of us…ten countin’ you, are gonna fit in that tiny box.” The Doctor rolls his eyes. “Do you want to get back to your ship, or what?” He steps back and holds the door open for them. Glancing in, they can see…what looks like a lot more space than there should be. It’s gotta be a trick. Some freaky optical illusion. They all hover for a minute, and then River rolls her eyes. “Time and Relative Dimensions in Space.” As one, Doctor included, nine pairs of eyes turn to gape at her. “Bigger on the inside. All the space in the world squished into a tiny blue box. Phone that never rings and a Doctor that never stays in one place for long.” After a moment, the Doctor grins. “Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Glad to see that you haven’t changed a bit, dear girl. Now, are you all going to come in? Rose and Jack are in the kitchen scrounging up some food. Don’t have much, I’m afraid, we mostly eat local, but surely we can find something better than that canned stuff you all have been living off of.” Wash is the first to step forward, with a shrug and a goofy grin. Zoe quickly follows, with Kaylee, Simon, and River just behind. Mal takes the rear, stopping at the door to look back at Jayne, who hasn’t moved. “No gorram way we fit in there. Not possible. Not natural.” Mal rolls his eyes and turns back towards the TARDIS. “Stay out here if you want. More food for me.” That gets Jayne moving, and he makes it to the box before Mal has a chance to close the door behind him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

The crew can’t believe their eyes. They just stand in the console room staring around them for a few minutes. Mal keeps muttering to himself about how it’s all a bit flashy and how his Serenity stays in the sky just fine without all the bobbles and bling…it’s about love, and that’s what actually matters. No one listens to him, of course. The Doctor lets them stare for a moment or two, basking in the astonished looks on their faces and feeling quite proud of himself. This would go on for awhile, but Rose runs in the side-door and announces that dinner is ready. (Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, if you’re wondering. The TARDIS kitchen really isn’t very well stocked, and she and Jack had decided to stick with the basics. Neither are very good cooks.) The Serenity crew silently follow Rose and the Doctor back into the maze of the TARDIs. When they get to the kitchen, they find a table big enough for twelve and a pile of grilled cheese sandwiches sitting on top of it. Obviously, they dig in. (After enthusiastic reunions with Rose and Jack, of course.)

They’ve been eating for ten minutes, and the plate of sandwiches is half empty, when Mickey walks in. “Wha…what….who….huh?” Rose is mortified. She’d gotten so wrapped up in the presence of the Serenity crew that she’s forgotten that Mickey was even onboard. Jack and the Doctor hadn’t, but…well, they aren’t always the most mature when it comes to dealing with Rose’s “boyfriend”, are they? Sensing the tension, Kaylee smiles her biggest and most charming smile, and says “Hi there! We haven’t met you yet. I’m Kaylee and these sandwiches are amazing. Do you want one?” 

The tension is broken. Mickey mutters something under his breath about tin dogs, then goes to sit next to Wash. The group spends the rest of the meal swapping stories about life since they last saw each other (which is unbelievably confusing, since it was not only in the Doctor’s recent past, but also in his slightly more distant past AND his future). Mickey is quiet for a bit, but soon finds himself laughing at Wash’s jokes and the continual mocking of Jayne. Without even recognizing it, he’d been welcomed in with open arms. After dinner, the Doctor puts on his serious face (complete with unnecessary glasses) and explains to the crew the entire concept of Weeping Angels and the basic rudimentary details of time travel. “Shouldn’t be a problem to get you back to your ship. Just let me go work out the coordinates and we’ll have you back home in a jiffy.” He stands and heads off towards the console room. Wash shoves the rest of his sandwich in his mouth and races to catch up — he wants to see how to fly this thing! The rest of the group finish dinner and clean up before Rose says “So…do you want a tour? We might be able to find the swimming pool, although I think it’s moved since I last saw it.” They accept (obviously — who WOULDN’T want a tour of the TARDIS?) 

The evening is spent wandering the TARDIS while the Doctor works out the coordinates and teaches Wash the basics of how to fly her. He even lets Wash do the actual piloting back to the Serenity…which shows how much faith he has in his new ginger friend. The TARDIS lands securely and gently in the cargo bay of the Serenity. The two groups part ways reluctantly, lingering in the TARDIS console room until every one of them are struggling to keep their eyes open. One by one, the serenity crew drift out until the only person left is Shepherd Book. He turns in the doorway and looks back at the Doctor and his companions. “Until next time, then? I have a feeling that we’ll be seeing more of you, Doctor.”

The tall stick of a man just grins and waves. The shepherd smiles back and then steps through the door. As he closes it behind him, he can hear a voice saying “Alright then, where to next? Didn’t someone mention Betelgeuse 7? You’ll love it, all of the colors are opposite. The sunset is GREEN, for goodness sake. And the people are just so nice. As long as you don’t insult their mothers. Or their fathers. Or their siblings. Or their second-cousins-twice-removed. Or…well, you get the point. Allons-y!”

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I'm on tumblr as oywiththewaywardtardis and there's nothing I love more than people coming to fangirl with me over these idiots and all of the others.


End file.
